zippers are such a cool invention
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
