Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
