just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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