There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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