But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
