I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
