they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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