Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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