I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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