i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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