Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
