Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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