News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize