gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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