I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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