Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
