I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
