I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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