Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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