I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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