She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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