Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
