like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
