You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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