420 ftw
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
