sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
