we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
