Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
