I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
