wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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