I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
