I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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