I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
