I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
