Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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