i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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