I just made out with a guy for $7.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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