can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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