i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im part way to drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
