I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
