Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina just clenched in fear
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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