im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
