At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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