i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
