just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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