remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize