She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
