They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
