I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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