I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
