We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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