I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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