Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Porn is love you can see.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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