So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
