it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
