i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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