First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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