I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
