on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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