I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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