her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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