I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
