She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize