we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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