Umm I'm too high to move.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
