idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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