yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
