She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
