your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
