so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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