I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
