I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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