just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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