I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
