He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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