I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
