If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
