I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
