Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
