I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
