So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
