DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
