I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
