Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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